A new kind of Star Wars!
by sonymagic2
Summary: join Princess Emia and friends as they try to save the Galaxys satellite Systems from the Garlic Empire! including guards that want to be cleaners and ships with manuals. Warning! You will laugh! so RR!
1. who reads Manuel’s?

A long time ago in a Galaxy far,  
far away...

A NEW HOPE It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, Striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against The evil Garlic Empire.

During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armoured space station with enough power to destroy an entire planets satellite system which meant no more TV.

Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Emia races home aboard her star ship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy...

"what a ton of crap!" one of the men in a white Shaufer suit screamed at the control pad.

"what seems to be the matter Captain?" a teen girl with long brown hair that was rapped in buns at each side of her head and wearing a long gown with Jackass' written across it said walking towards him.

"it's this control panel Princess! That stupid light keeps flashing and I can't get it to stop! I think I'm going to crack if it..." just then a loud siren started to wail. "AHHH! Now there's a stupid noise going of as well! What have I done to deserve this?" he screamed putting his hands over his ears.

"I'm sorry I wasn't listening," the princess said as the Captain looked at her extremely stressed.

"well, it seems that this light thing here is telling me something is happening while this buzzer over here is telling me it's an emergency" he said trying to work it all out.

"so what is it trying to tell you?" the princess said.

"I don't bloody know! I never thought something like this would happen so I never bothered to read the manual!" he said looking at her.

"DID ANYONE IN THIS STAR SHIP BOTHER TO READ THE MANUAL?" the princess shouted and then everyone shook there heads.

"nope!"

"not me!"

"sorry!"

The princess looked around for a second before stating "well we're buggered!" Suddenly the hole ship shook throwing the princess to the floor and half the crew sliding cross the room. The control panels started to spark and the lights began to flicker on and off.

"this is just like that saucer ride at Pleasure island! Weeeee!" the princess shouted as the Captain skidded along the floor trying to gain balance.  
The ship then went silent and everyone began to stand up and look around puzzled.

"well? What are you waiting for? Get defences up on at the main door! Who ever it is who attacked us is surely going to try and get in," one of the solders wearing a shiny blue suit and helmet shouted and then the rest of them ran down the hall but one who was wearing bright pink Elton John Glasses. "Private Coupland! What are you waiting for?" he screamed at him but the guard barely moved but to look around for who was trying to speak to him while stuffing pencils up his nose. "forget it! You stay with princess Emia and try to keep and eye on her till we get back," the solder said before running to where the rest of the solders had gone to.

The solders carried on down the hall and past Two robot that had come out of the quarters to see what all the noise was about.

"good havens! What is all this racket about?" a bright gold one said doing a odd walk out of a room.

"bleep bleep!" the small fat blue one said wheeling forwards.

"I think we should go and have a... look out!" the golden robot said as shots were fired in it's direction. it started to try and doge the rounds but in stead fell over and then began to roll away. "my, that was close... YM-CA? YM-CA?" the robot said looking for it's small blue fat friend.

It walked around till it saw it's friend with the princess. YM-CA then wheeled towards the golden robot after the princess had left. The small bot soon got past the live firing of weapons and lasers and approached the tall golden robot.

"where have you been and who was that you were talking to?" the golden one said.

"bleep bleep bop!" YM-CA beeped.

"Secret mission? What do you mean?" the golden one said.

"bleeping bleep blop bleep!" it carried on.

"we need to find Ant-Oni Kenobi! Who's Ant-Oni?" the golden robot said confusedly. Then YM-CA rolled in to a small chamber in the side of the wall and the Golden one followed. "isn't this the escape pod?"

"beep!" 


	2. i just want to be a cleaner!

This is the second chapter and I forgot to mentchon that I don't own the story of Star Wars. Well I see that some of you lot enjoyed my story and hope you all carry on likening it. It will slowly get to a higher ratting but hopefully not to high. Review and tell me what you think in stead of thinking 'oh someone else can waist there time reviewing to someone who want even care about my small review!' news flash! I will care. If you have ideas, flames, thumbs up or even just to say that I was okay but…! Review it in and tell me. I think that's all so here it is. Chapter two.

Else where on the ship, Princess Emia stood waiting round the corner with a odd looking hand gun that had a nuzzle that was about eight foot long. Six guards in full white armour and helmets with Gay patrol' written on the front, were making there way towards her but not yet seeing her. She then looked at her side to where the guard wearing pink Elton John glasses was and then gave him a quick nod. She then jumped out and then fired at one of the guards hitting him strait in the head and forcing him to fly backwards.

"set your guns to stun!" one of them shouted before they all fired at her.

She then dived slowly, in a near walk round the corner again. "well I give up!" she said then tossed the gun down as the pink glasses wearing guard started to poke it with a long stick. "what happened to giving me cover?"

"cov... a what?" he said then the princess looked at him annoyed.

"I hate you!" she said narrowing her eyes at him.

He then took a quick look round the corner and then saw the mass and blood that was now staining the walls and floor. "and I suppose I'm going to have to clean that up?" he said in a agitated tone.

"you're a solder not a cleaner!" the princess said confusedly. "why are they still firing at me? Why don't they just walk round the corner and capture me? Some idiot must be running this army!" she said looking back at the men.  
She then saw John poking his face with the stick and gave a sye. "come out princess!" one of the guards said.

"I don't know any Princess! there's no princess here!" Emia shouted back.

"oh! Sorry then. My mistake, we thought you were someone else. Okay men, set your guns to kill!" he said then they began to twiddle with there weapons.

"oh crap!" Emia said looking shocked as the soldier next to her started making sucking noises and pocking his hand.

"maybe we should just surrender. If they carried on firing then the ship will take weeks to clean!" privet Coupland said peering round the corner.

"you're a guard not a cleaner so why do you always want to clean?" the princess said just ducking out of the way from a lazar.

"my dad forced me to be a solder! I always wanted to be a cleaner for a space station," he said then a vase of flowers that were covenantal placed in the middle of the white hall were shot. "I should go get that," he said then dashed of into the live fire.

he leaped out and was totally missed by all the guards. he then stood up and began to do a odd little dance as the fire started to hit the floor just neat to his feet and then he reached the table and began to clean the smashed vase while the bullets and lasers carried on firing.

"oh forget it! These things never seem to hit anything," one of the guards shouted then tossed his laser gun at John which hit him strait in the back of the head and knocked him out.

"why didn't you do that before?" one of his companions said looking at him.

he shrugged then walked to the fallen Coupland. there was suddenly a small beeping noise and then one of them grabbed a small walkie- talkie.

"Tango, Papa and a packet of crisps with Uniform, Romeo and Juilet!" he said into his walkie-talkie.

"what?" came a faded reply.

"Eco section reporting!" he said into the device.

he listened for a while then replied with roger'. "who was that?" one of the men said in anticipation.

"your mother. she said that she want you back before ten," he replayed.

"oh okay, but I was going to go play pole with some of the guys!" he said back looking a little hart broken.

"you idiot, it was the boss! he said that if there's anyone here that we need to bring them back alive!" he said then set his gun to stun again. "you two take this guy while I get the girl that looks like she has pretzels growing out the side of her head," he said then the princess ran out.

"oy! I didn't want to have my hair up like this you know! the king forced me to!" she said then the guard shot her in the neck. "owe! I feel a little tired!" she said swirling round a bit then fell to the floor.

at the control panel, men in black suits and a few guards in white were taking control of the ship and putting it on a new course.

"sir! one of the escape pods have unconnected it's self from the ship! shale we shoot it down?" one of the men in black said to another that had a name tag saying Billy on it.

"no need. there's no life aboard and it would be a waste," Billy said looking at one of the monitors.

"but were Americans! we always use up our ammo on the most stupidest things and then complain that we don't have any left, and then if anything or anyone is alive we ever shoot them or begin to interrogate them!" he said and then everyone stopped as the door slid open and the princess came in forced by some of the guards.

"we have found the princess. please inform master Daft Vador!" one of the guards said to Billy.

"right away! take her to the cells down stairs and keep an eye on her!" he said then ran of.

in the escape capsule, two unlikely sources were making there way to a planet that has a name that is truly hard to pronounce three time fast.

"what do you mean were going to planet Dangermelcy Twicondoneaya? where's that!" C-3TO said looking confused at the small robot.

"bleep bleep bleeping bleep!" YM-CA beeped.

"what do you mean the cordence are already in the escape capsule!" C-3TO said.

"bleep bleep!" YM-CA then Bleeped.

"what do you mean so you can complete your mission?" C-3TO said.

"Bleep bleep, blop blip!" YM-CA said.

"what do you mean why have I got to keep repeating everything you say?" C-3TO said.

"Bleep!"

"I don't really know but I suppose it's because I'm one of the only things that can talk that under stand you bleeping nonsense!" C-3TO said.

the escape capsule soon hit ground and tossed the two robots out several feet away. they soon stood up and made there way to each other. they had a look at there surroundings and were pretty lost to where they were.

"what now?" C-3TO said looking round.

"Beeping!" YM-CA said.

"why do we need to find this Ant-Oni? you know what? your just a stupid beeping robot and I'm going this way!" C-3TO said looking to there left.

"Bleep blop!"

"well if this Ant-Oni is defiantly that way, then I'm defiantly going that way!" it said now pointing to it's right. "your going to get us killed!"

both robots carried on in different directions and because C-3TO is really annoying, we will carried on seeing what happened to YM-CA on it journey. it carried on wheeling on it's little wheels across the sand with out sinking or getting stuck somehow unknown to man. then carried on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and just carried on going on and on till it reached a canyon and then it carried on through it. still carrying on and keeping going with out stopping. just going on and on and on and on and on till it was shot with something that short-circuited it. see, wasn't that more fun than what happened to the golden robot? YM-CA was then shot up by three hooded creatures that wore long brown cloaks and had small yellow eyes through a shoot and into a large mobile cargo holding machine and then taken to the next city/small house town type thing. You can just tell that I am one of those rare people that are not stupid can't you? Well anyway, back to the story.

inside the mobile type device, YM-CA was met up by C-3TO."see! your way would have lead us into danger!" C-3TO said happily.

"Blop?" YM-CA said.

"so what if I got captured to! your way would have still lead us to danger so I was still right," 


	3. gain a robot, loose all sanity

#Thanks for the reviews (if you sent them) and I still don't own the story of Star Wars or own any part of Star Wars. Here's chapter three so enjoy!

They then came to a halt after several minuets of arguing and all of them made their way of the mobile cargo type device and was forced to make a strait line where a girl wearing a baggy white shirt and white jeans with a older looking man who has no real importance, was examine them.

"so are you good at cleaning or you just a TV aril?" the girl said looking at C-3TO.

"I am a extremely well developed upgraded system that is programmed to check a ships controls and generators if you don't mind! I'm capable of decrypting and I know twelve different languages over the Galaxy," C-3TO said looking at her.

The girl scratched her head in confusion, "so what you mean is…? No, I don't really know what all that means," she said then left C-3TO and carried on down the line.

"Hey, uncle Bob! Why don't we get this one?" the teen girl said now looking at YM-CA.

"what ever just hurry up and pick one!" he shouted back. "and Hell, my names not BOB!"

"what names not Bob?" Hell asked looking at him.

"my names Uncle Derek," he said eyeing her.

"I know it is!" Hell said now looking confused.

"so then why do you keep calling me Bob?" he started.

"I don't!" she said looking back at the robots.

"well just hurry up and pick a robot and stop all this nonsense!"

"okay Uncle Bob!" she said then he gave her a evil stare. "I'll take this one then!" she said and dragged YM-CA out.

"we'll take that golden one to!" Uncle Derek said examining C-3TO.

"why? That one keeps talking and wont shut up," she said whining.

"We can use the spear parts," Derek said then they both took the robots back to the small hut.

Meanwhile back in the Princess star ship, the princess was in a cell waiting for the evil Alliance to send there top man to attempt to gather information out of her. She examined the room for a while but than gave up and sat in silence thinking about the last episode of Scrubs she had watched. Suddenly the door opened and two guards in the same suits with 'gay patrol' walked in. princess Emia looked through the door and saw a tall manish figure, in a black getup and a helmet type bucket over his head with a long black cape, talking to privet Coupland.

"wow! Well if you clean this Evil space station then I will pay you with the evil money that I evilly stole from the good people," he said then Private Coupland nodded and put on a house maids apron and began to dust with a duster that one of the guards had given him

"traitor," princess Emia hissed, eyeing the boy as he did a strange twirl while he cleaned.  
The caped, bucket wearing man walked into Emia's cell and then began to laugh loudly.

"do you want to know what I'm laughing at princess?" he said in a odd voice as he began to make odd breathing noises.

"not really," she said looking board.

"oh, go on! just ask me," he said sounding sad.

"nope!" she said looking at the back of her hand like it was more interesting.

"that's not fair! go on just this once, please?" he begged.

"do I have to?" she said then he nodded happily. "why are you..."

"wait! let me come in again and then you ask! it'll make it more... Evil" he said raising his hands and trying to make them seem like claws then he ran out of the room.

He came in again then began to laugh again but Emia just sat there staring at him. He gave a small hand jester to say he was ready.

"why are you laughing?" she asked in a unimpressed tone.

"because my dear princess, I have control over your ship, captured your crew and are now going to get the whereabouts of the information that you have stolen from us! where is it my dear?" he said eyeing her.

"like I would tell you. You have a stupid fashion sense and you breath to heavily Mr... who are you again?" Princess Emia asked looking at him.

"we've been through this on countless amount of times. I am Daft Vador! and anyway! what's wrong with what I'm wearing?" he asked looking down at himself.

"oh come on! you have a bucket on your head..." she started.

"it's a helmet!" he argued.

"and your wearing you PJ's and a cape!" she said.

"if you must know, these are not my PJ's. My PJ's have cute but evil fuzzy blue rabbits on them. what I'm wearing right now is a highly advance armour system and I thought that the cape looked good! it's 100 polyester you know? going on, touch it," he said starting to wave his cape around with pride.

"what ever Bart Simpson," she said. "well your crap anyway!"

"what makes you say that?" he said looking at her.

"well you can't brag on about how well you captured the crew if your men captured them and you didn't even lift a finger," she said then he started to panic.

"your right! let them go! let them all go so I can capture them myself!" he screamed and then ran out of the cell but Billy stopped him.

"sir! she's trying to trick you..." Billy said.

"who's trying? you should be called 'Daft' Vador!" princess Emia said laying on a bench in the cell.

"my name is 'Daft' Vador. I knew I should have got a better name!" he said then began to whine.

"no sir, it's a lovely name. Don't listen to her. Why don't you go and set up the death star and prove how great you are," Billy said patting the evil man on the back for comfit and then Daft Vador nodded and then made his way out of the room talking to Billy.

"she called me stupid though!" he said as Billy tried to make him feel better.

Hell sat in her room with the two robots. She began to twiddle with YM-CA's drive and also tried to ignore C-3TO who was constantly talking.

"...so that's why were here!" it finished.

"that's great," Hell said struggling not to lob something at the annoying robot. "what are your names again?" she asked.

"for the last time, I'm Claire-3TO and that's YM-CAmy but you can just call us by our initials," C-3TO said getting frustrated.

Suddenly Hell jumped back as a bright blue light shone out through the robots eye and onto the floor. the shape of a female stood out with great detail and then Hell looked at it in amazement.

"who's that?" she asked but was interrupted by a females voice.

"... so you must help us Ant-Oni Kenobi," the voice said.

"is this some sort of recording YM-CA?" C-3TO asked.

"Ant-Oni Kenobi?" Hell said looking at the light.

"yeah. YM-CA keeps going on about this Ant-Oni. I have no idea who he is," C-3TO said in a robotic unimpressed tone.

"...so you must help us Ant-Oni Kenobi... so you must help us Ant-Oni Kenobi." it carried on.

"well I don't know anyone called Ant-Oni Kenobi but maybe she means Tony Kenobi, he's a old hermit who lives in the desert. but it's to late to go and find out because the bratty first years will have finished school and will be roaming the deserts, the fact that I'm a fat lazy idiot doesn't help much ever," Hell said then the two robots looked at her in confusion. "hey shut up! you two are robots and as so don't become fat and lazy! I think."

"on the contrary, I knew one robot on planet Endall who become fat and lazy. his boss Kirsta the mutt had to toss him away and use him as scrap parts!" C-3TO said.

"what ever! I'm getting rid of you speech box in the morning," Hell said getting annoyed.

"I'm afraid that that is quit a hard task for even the greatest of experts to do with out destroying my hole hard drive," C-3TO said.

"I know and I'm willing to take the risk," Hell said climbing into bed.

"oh, that's... nice," C-3TO gulped.

"Hell!" a voice shouted from the other room.

"coming!" Hell shouted back and then walked out of the room.

Hell came back after finding out that all her uncle wanted was to show her that a peach was going mouldy and then tried to make her eat it. She walked into the room where the two robot were suppose to be but all she saw was the large Gold one.

"please don't tell me that it ran off? Why wasn't it you?" Hell said annoyed.

"sorry master but I couldn't stop YM-CA! It ran off and…" C-3TO said on.

"shut up," Hell said then ran out side. "dame! It's to dark. I cant go after him till morning… I'm so dead," she turned round and started to make her way inside. "just to tell you, I'm going to blame it all on you!"


End file.
